By Clove Morgan
You have one decision to make: love or leadership? You can only choose one or the other. If you pick love, you’re weak and anti-feminist. If you pick leadership, you’re cold-hearted and bitter. In the past, love was all a woman seemed fit for. We were born and raised to be future homemakers, devoted wives, and doting mothers. It was our only option until decades of feminism and the various waves of political movements that have gotten us to the point where we are today. Then, of course, the expectations for women flipped on its head. The next big thing on the horizon for girls was to be a leader, strong and resilient with no need for romance. But why can’t we have both?
It was just a century ago that exclusively white women gained the right to vote in the United States. From there, it was a hard-fought battle that lasted decades for women of color to take their own rights and exercise them to the same ability they have today. Even with the activism and ongoing fight against gender-based discrimination, women face plenty of social and workplace prejudice. There are still misogynist ideals that linger and have a platform that directly harms women–the expectations of care-taking and being adaptive to every demand or scenario thrown at them.
In the past, women needed to tend to the house, husband, and children. There were social standards that demanded a woman sacrifice her individuality in order to fit into a predestined role. However, as women began forcing their way out of the house and into the professional world, it became more common to see women in the office and educational spaces. Thus, the normalization of women in higher education, male-dominated industries, and positions of socio-political power came to pass. Yet, being taken seriously continues to be a struggle faced by women in academics and in their careers. They often need to make sure their presence is palatable to their colleagues and higher-ups.
The media saw women’s desire to be leaders and took that as their sign to change their treatment of women in film to appeal to their audience. Suddenly, girls in movies didn’t want or need to be saved by a man–but rather be heroines taking on the world all on their own. Frozen and the leading lady, Elsa, began a literal snowball effect for the young girls to grow up with powerful role models. Disney, in particular, began going in a brand new direction from their early “saved by the prince” days–creating iconic characters like Moana, Merida, Tiana, and more that either didn’t end up with a romantic interest or were not rescued by one.
Then, the fabled word “girlboss” comes into play. Though it is now often used in an exclusively ironic way, there was a time when it was genuine, and some people still see it as such. For the sake of this piece, just walk with me here. There was a fixation in the 2010s feminist era that zeroed in on what it meant to be a “girlboss.” It warrants plenty of criticism through the current lens of feminism, but at the time, it was the highest compliment as being a girlboss meant owning your power as a girl.
As people outgrew the term, the idealization of being an individual feminine powerhouse remained just under a different presentation. Feminism became packaged as a female lead with no weaknesses for romance and only strength in their capabilities. We were told we could do anything, be anything; in fact, we had to be everything. A message you would think is great for young girls wanting to grow up confident in themselves.
But then there was me and girls like me. We grew up adoring romance, craving and giving love as though it was the most valuable thing. Seeing women be strong was great, but I also began to question if wanting romance was okay. Aurora from Sleeping Beauty was my favorite princess, with a whopping sixteen lines in the film and Prince Phillip saving her to boot; she wasn’t exactly an icon of feminism as I grew up. Something about her story, though, I absolutely loved. It was the simplicity of wanting love–nothing more and nothing less–and living in a little cottage surrounded by animals and nature. Her life pre-sleep seemed like a dream come true, and that ending scene was just stunning.
With the live-action Snow White film on the horizon, the film has been receiving some criticism on social media for being faux-feminist as the “girlboss” mentality has been dying out. Those a part of the film have said in interviews that it is no longer like the original, that the princess does not need saving or love. Gen Z has begun reshaping what it means to be a feminist once again, claiming that women don’t need to be a leader 100% of the time to be respected. We should simply be allowed to exist, warranting respect as a person first. The demand that a woman needs to lead or establish her power in order to gain the acknowledgment she deserves poses a similar issue from the past, just packaged in a new way. We still need to prove ourselves, just for a different reason entirely.
That’s why Gen Z is transforming expectations for women. We should be able to decide for ourselves what we want and how we want it without owing people an explanation. There is no reason for girls and women to have to only pick one between romance and respect. They aren’t mutually exclusive. So, when asked to pick between the two, consider how they are really different. I find power in love and have learned to lead with it; they are synonymous to me. Besides, who says you owe anyone an answer?
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